One who cannot control himself or his inner impulses cannot control anyone or anything outside himself.–Sudha Mani.
One day a mother, along with her son, underwent so many troubles, walked, hitchhiked and went hungry for days came to Mahatma Gandhi. She said, “Sir, this is my son. He is nine years old. We are poor, and his dad & my husband left us when this boy was only two months old for another woman. Please tell him to stop eating sweets, which I make for my customers. He listens to you. I know because he used to be lazy and sleep till 10 am when he heard you wake up early in the morning and go for a walk before starting work; from the very next day, he started doing it. It amazed me. That is why I brought him here.”
Mahatma Gandhi went silent. He said to the mother, “Sister, I can’t say anything that you ask me to do to your son today. Bring your son to me in 30 days from now.”. The mother was sad and left. After 30 days, the mother came back with her son. This time Mahatma said to the boy, “You must stop eating sweets; it is bad for health and mind. Will, you do that for me?”. The boy nods and promises his leader.
The mother is furious and asks Mahatma why he could not say what he said today to her son 30 days ago. For that, Mahatma said, “Sister, I was eating sweets three times a day, even my wife about this habit. I could not ask your son to stop eating sweets when I was doing the same thing. After you left, I stopped eating sweets, and I have never touched sweets since you left apart from Prasad. Now, I can ask your son not to do something which I was not doing.”
The moral of the story is that if you do not do what you want others to do, you are a slave to your impulses and habits.
One strength of a leader is Self-control.
Self-control stems from self-awareness.
- Finding out your strengths, weaknesses and triggers
- Write your management strategy for every trigger significantly negative one.
- Meditate on your negative triggers. For example, if someone cuts you off on the highway and you either cuss or rev up. Catch yourself in action and ask why?
- When you are not driving or engaged in action, go home or meditate on that situation, triggering an adverse reaction. What was your emotion when someone cut you want off? Were you angry? What did that thought before that happen?
- Please write your triggers down.
- Make a mental note on how you will react when the same thing happens again from this point forward. When that happens, see how fast you can respond to that. It will take time, but you will get there.